__14.04.2003 @ 15:27_______
Herrcrappalot was a push me pull you who resided in a small zoo in Constantinople . As far as he knew he was the only push me pull you in the world and as such led a solitary existence. Herrcrappalot, to put it bluntly, was lonely. His cage was cramped and dull and he had to put up with small children pointing at him and laughing all day every day.
To pass the time Herrcrappalot would ponder the bg questions in life. Is there a god? Is there life after death? Where did Herrcrappalot come from? After allif he was the only push me pull you in the world there were questions to be answered. Did he have parents? If so what had happened to them?
Herrcrappalot had got used to his lonely existence and the small children being rude. He had accepted his fate to live out his days as a freakshow. What he could not accept although it was totally unavoidable was the toiletry habits of the push me pull you. Due to push me pull yous basically being two front halfs of a llama bolted together he had no anus or penis. This meant that whenever Herrcrappalot got the urge to relieve himself he had no choice but to open one of his mouths and allow the urine or faeces flow up out of it. Not a pleasant experience at all. And the aftertaste was utterly disgusting. Herrcrappalot had no choice but to put up with it though. He didn't want to get all bloated and obese. After all he might turn out not to be the only push me pull you in the world and he would like to be attractive for any passing female ones.
Of course Herrcrappalot's lack of genitalia meant he would not be able to actually do much with a female push me pull you but he liked to think there was a soul mate for him out there somewhere.
Herrcrappalot also ponder that if he did indeed come from two parents then how was he concieved and indeed born? There was no hole for him to come out of. The only semi-viable explanation he had been able to come up with was that he had been coughed up like a hairball. Herrcrappalot hoped with all his heart that there was some other reason.
Alas he never did find out as one day the zoo got a Unicorn and he was put down by lethal injection to make room for it.
Inspiration For This Tale: Frances Wilcox and Sarah Barrie
Sensory Input For This Tale: Goldfrapp - Felt Mountain
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