__17.03.2003 @ 11:33_______
There once was a scarecrow named Bubba. Bubba was a pretty standard scarecrow. He spent his days stood in a farmer's field attempting to scare birds away from the crop. Unfortunately Bubba was the least threatening scarecrow imaginable. The birds were not scared of him in the slightest. In fact they openly mocked him and shat on him from up high.
He tried to learn how to make scary faces and be threatening but it just didnt happen. No matter what he did the birds continued to crap all over him.
This made Bubba sad. He didnt ask for this job. All he wanted to be was a hairdresser but every hairdressing job he applied for rejected him on the grounds that he leaked straw and would generally make the place look messy.
The only job he could get was the stereotypical job for a scarecrow. This annoyed Bubba intensely. After hundreds of years scarecrows were still looked on as a lesser form of life by society. Did they not have rights too? Apparantly not it would seem.
One day when a particularly big bird shit landed on his lapel Bubba snapped. He was so angry he abandoned his post and stormed off to the farmers house. It was empty. He had a root around the house out of nosiness. Amongst the dildos and full leather geek outfits he was surprised to find the farmer's shotgun. He grabbed it along with a box of shells and was away.
The first place Bubba came to was a roadside Little Chef restaurant.
That day 14 people (including Val Kilmer) died by Bubba's hand. The little chef really was a terrible bloody mess by the end of it.
Eventually the police found Bubba cowering in a corner sucking on a complimentary Little Chef lollipop. They shot him repeatedly. A justified action i feel as you are only allowed a lollipop if you completely leave a clean plate.
Bubba died and the farmer found a new scarecrow who took pride in his scarecrow heritage and did a really good job.
The End.
Inspiration For This Tale: Rachel Jones
Sensory Input For This Tale: The Beta Band - The Three E.P.s
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