__21.03.2003 @ 09:59_______
There once was a young lad named Chupto. There was absolutely nothing special about Chupto except his name. Nothing exciting had ever happened to him.
That is apart from the time he met some aliens. It occured in his local park when he was out for a walk one day. He turned a corner and there they were. Three little blue men with pointy heads and very stereotypical ray guns.
"Greetings Chupto. We greet you. I am Mufassa-La, ambassador for the planet ZZorb and these are my bodyguards Zippy Thunderbutt and Peewee Mcdoogle" said the one in the middle.
"um.... hi. did you say zippy thunderbutt and peewee mcdoogle?"
The alien on the left stepped forward. "He did. I am Thunderbutt."
"And I am Mcdoogle" said the third.
"Fuck me you poor saps!" replied Chupto. "What are you guys doing here anyway?"
"We come to tell you have been chosen to represent Earth in the new intergalactic council. You must come with us."
"Sorry lads I can't. Mum's making lasagne tonight and thats my favourite."
"You decline? You cannot refuse us!" asked a shocked Mufassa-La.
"Fraid so. Bye lads" replied Chupto as he walked past them and on his way.
So the aliens zapped him and took him back up to their spaceship where they performed experiments on him. None of which involved anal probes as thats a bit of a cliche these days. Instead they cut two neat lines across his stomach just above his (outy) belly button. Inside they found the remains of three kit-kats and a hairball. This grossed them out so they chucked him back down to earth.
For weeks Chupto told people of his experiences but noone believed him. He cited the two lines he now had across his stomach but still they wouldn't listen to him. Eventually Chupto gave up.
Not long after that a proposal was put to the intergalactic council that war should be declared on earth. And seeing as though earth had no representative on the council to defend it's corner the motion was passed.
The earth was destroyed (in a rather beautiful fashion) without much fuss.
The End.
Inspiration For This Tale: Scamp And Megatron
Sensory Input For This Tale: Joy Division - Closer
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