__25.03.2003 @ 16:12_______
Val Kilmer had a dog by the name of Nutbar. They say that a dog is like it's owner and in this case it was true as the dog was a shit actor.
One day Val took Nutbar for a walk in the woods. Just like any other day they took their usual route down by the babbling brook and past the stone circle where the pikies dumped their rubbish. Today however was different. As they crossed the bridge over the brook Val was hit on the head by something.
Immediatly he spun round and spat out his usual retort...
"Don't you know who i am goddamit!"
Alas this was met with silence and Val could not see anything out of the ordinary. He looked down to see what had hit him. By his feet was a small smooth round red stone. He picked it up and examined it closely then put it in his pocket then turned back round and continued on his way.
Ping. Another stone smacked him on the back of the head.
"I know oliver stone you fuckwits!" Val screamed out. He really was rather annoyed now.
He then carried on walking and picked up the pace. Zap. Another rock smacked him on the arse.
"don't make me bring Joel Schumacher down here!"
and it was then he saw them. From out of the trees emerged the pixies. Little fairy men and women with clothes made from leaves and twigs.
"what the fuck!" shouted Val. "Get em boy!" Nutbar sat by his feet and looked up at him meekly. "I said get them Nutbar!" Nutbar stayed resolutely still.
In a flash the pixies were upon him. Val was torn limb from limb in a most painful fashion. In less than two minutes he was nothing more than a pile of limbs and guts. The pixies took a lump of flesh each and headed back to the undergrowth. Nutbar was left with Val's balls which he nibbled on quietly.
From the trees a small squeaky voice was heard to say "what the fuck does Val stand for anyway?"
The End.
Inspiration For This Tale: Katherine Sommervile
Sensory Input For This Tale: 28 Days Later Soundtrack
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