__24.03.2003 @ 23:06_______
Queen Chutterina sat on her throne and pondered whose brain to eat today. Yesterday she had opted for the brain of a skinny pale faced youth who had looked at her funny. She had been unimpressed by the stringy dry taste of his brain. She couldn't risk such a disgusting two meals in a row. After all she was queen and the quality of her meals should reflect that.
Suddenly she had a brainstorm and got up off her throne of skulls and headed out into the streets. Queen Chutterina could walk about unharrassed as the entire population of her kingdom of Xoxo knew she carried a loaded Magnum at all times and had extensive training in how to use it.
Chutterina scoured the streets for someone who looked like that had an appealing brain. On the first street corner she reached there was a big issue seller with a dog on a string. She aimed at him and was about to pull the trigger before having second thoughts. Surely a derelict such as this would have been poisoning his mind for years with drink and drugs. Chutterina had tried meths once and the taste did not appeal at all. The Big Issue seller was spared. The dog however was not. A bullet zipped from Chutterina's gun and hit it between it's eyes.
A pointless and cruel act of brutality i am sure you are thinking. Well that's world leaders for you. (ooh politics)
Chutterina continued on with her brain hunt leaving the Big Issue seller crumpled in a heap crying. That dog had been his life support system. It was well known that if you had a dog you could sell twice as many big issues than if you didn't.
Chutterina kept walking until she spotted a Banana merchant. He was rather overweight and it looked like his brain could be good and juicy. Alas Chutterina was on a strict diet and excess fat was not allowed. After all a queen had to look her best at all times.
On her search went and she really was getting rather hungry now. Up ahead she could see a crowd had gathered. She pushed through them to the centre where she found a street performer doing magic tricks and generally being annoying. So she shot him. And lets face it he deserved it. Chutterina did not even consider eating his brain. She knew it would be icky and generally tainted.
Chutterina stood around for a while doing nothing. This allowed the writer time to think of what could happen next.
Suddenly out of nowhere appeared a roman gladiator. Chutterina looked at him carefully. He seemed well built and big without being fat. A prime specimin in fact. So quick as a flash she whipped out the pistol and shot him between the eyes. Then in the bollocks. Just for the hell of it. Next she produced a hacksaw from down her pants and begin to saw the top of his skull off. When that was done she grabbed at his brain. Alas it was the size of a lemon. Not really enough for a nourishing meal. Chutterina swallowed it whole and trudged back to the palace dejectedly.
The End.
Inspiration For This Tale: The Lady Chutney
Sensory Input For This Tale: Zwan - Mary, Star Of The Sea
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